Most people if not all turn out to be parents either directly or indirectly whether biological or adopted all equates to the parenting experience
But something’s in parenthood do not come up with a user manual thus every parent having a different experience for their adventure
In this article we look at the life lessons you may have learned as a parent or you are will learn when you become a parent whether as a mother or father
1. You are not your children and your children are not you
So if you are a lawyer that doesn’t mean your children will be lawyers. And if you have no natural talent that does it mean your children also have none
Most of the greatest athletes in the world like Messi, Serena sisters or Lebron James, Lewis Hamilton, Bolt didn’t have any of their parents play the sports their children play neither do the most successful actors or musicians have their parents talented in the same fields like them
Interestingly if you pick the best persons in any field today you will realize neither are their children picking up any of their parents talents genes
The best example is David Beckham and Victoria Beckham of which the dad is a great footballer and the is mom a successful musician but neither of their children inherited any of those talents from their parents at least as of now
Most parents think if they love something their kids must love it too and if they hate something, the kids will hate it too, but life does not work like that
So have you helped your child be who is meant to be other than forcing him to be you or what you want him to be
The lesson is your children can turn out be anything despite your efforts to make them something else and since your own children are not you, so is everyone else. If you are kind that doesn’t mean everyone is kind and if you are mean, that doesn’t everyone is mean as people are all different
This also helps embrace diversity and differences among people starting with your own
2. You don’t owe your children anything
So you have paid your children’s school fees since birth, carried them in your womb for 9 months and you have been there for them during the hard times even in sickness
So your child will repay you for your efforts when he or she is grown right?
Well life doesn’t work like that as when you have a child you are supposed to do all those unconditionally because you love them and wish the best for them expecting nothing in return
You are supposed to carry your child in your womb, take care of them in sickness and pay schools fees as its part of the package you sign up for when you decide to become a parent
Besides none of your children ever asked you to bring them in the world so you are not doing them any favors
You don’t have kids and emotionally blackmail them to feel pity for your efforts so that they feel guilty and feel obliged to repay you back.
They can repay you back through gratitude for everything you have done for them because you might as well have refused but you became the best mom or dad in the world for your children and they love you so much
The lesson is you are not helping or doing your children a favor bringing them in the world and in neither do you owe anyone anything, life will be of less regret if you did everything expecting nothing in return but because its good and righteous
3. Your children are not business investments
Have you ever calculated how much is needed to educate a child from kindergarten to university?
Do you know in most countries that money can actually start up a good successful business?
And most parents invest in their children as businesses and expect them to repay them when they are grown up but do you realize you would earn more from a business than from having a child
A child should be seen be a luxury you love and enjoy and can’t get enough of because luxuries give intangible benefits like happiness whilst you keep spending on them
In Africa a few other cultures and traditions, girls are seen as assets as when they get married, usually, the boy’s family is supposed to give lots of property to the girls family usually as an appreciation for raising a wife for him
In most of these societies, the parents see this as an opportunity to attain riches through making expensive demands for what they want in return for their daughters like cars, land or even buildings all in the name that they have put a lot of money in this girl and they deserved something in return. (I don’t know if the boys access their basic needs of life for free)
And if the girl’s family is poor, they would very much want a rich man who will be able to meet their demands
But what would you do if your child isn’t able to financially return the money have invested in them.
You are likely to develop resentment and hate for them for failure to turn out as expected
The lesson is if you want money you should start a business and not having children, in life if you want profits, invest in business not in relationships and expecting financial benefits
This also teaches a parent and the child to love people and use things and not love things and use people
4. A name does not define who a person is
A name has a meaning but does not define who a person is or tell what a person will be
Well if a name implied anything much more than what it means then I am pretty sure we would all name our children Bill Gates for obvious reasons
But a name remains to only have a meaning and give an identity to a person plus a sense of belonging and in life don’t judge people or stereotype them to be something basing on names
5. Your children won’t always be young, they will grow
Is it amazing that children grow up and stop being under your supervision but you still feel the need to watch what they are doing least they mess up
The feeling of parenting them in the sense of what is right and wrong, dos and don’ts always coming up plus being strict
The lesson is if you want your children to be anything you think will be good for them, do it while they are young and in life if you want someone to do or know something tell them as early as possible before its late when they can no longer change or learn it
6. You remain a parent till death
Much as your children do grow up, you forever remain a parent as they will still address you by mom or dad
And they will also never grow up to be older than you which still makes you a parent forever this time with little effect or influence on their lives
You will always be a parent but your roles and responsibilities in your child’s life will change as theirs change too
7. Learning to make friends
Do you have friends in your life as you read this or you got so busy with life that you and your friends moved on
Some parents struggle to make friends with their own children. They the only to talk to their children but not talk with their children
Well as a parent when you feel the gap between you and your children is growing, then your friendship-making skills will need to be brought out so that you can control the gap between friendship and parenthood without the two conflicting each other
As you would want to be a friend to your child so that they are not uncomfortable around you and you can easily communicate with each other but your child should also be able to accept punishment when they do something wrong without costing the friendship
The lesson is you have to make your children your friends and also in life you have to learn how to make friends too
8. Effort does not guarantee gain
You have heard of the quotes, no pain no gain, hard work pays
Well not every child you see as a thief or as a criminal is a result of poor parenting as some parents have done their best to get the best out of their children
But sometimes things don’t go as planned despite the effort much as other kids turn out good despite the less effort from their parents. This is because you can teach your kids to do something but it’s up to them to do as you told them
Well the lesson if your child doesn’t turn out as expected, it doesn’t mean you failed as a parent because deep down you know you tried and in life, you should also know that certain things can fail or go wrong despite the effort and investment
9. Letting go and accepting things as they turn out to be
Well, this is a hard one. Every parent wants a child that is healthy but what if your child gets cancer or a brain tumor.
Well, first of all, that’s not something of your doing but it is you to deal with it as some parents run away from that responsibility
In the same aspect, your child ending up different in a negative way helps you learn to accept things you cannot control and not letting them take away your happiness
It also helps you see the good in every situation
10. Learning to forgive
Well if parenthood doesn’t teach you forgiveness then I don’t know what will.
This where you will have cups broken and you are willing to spare the rod, despite on another day you would punish the child instead
Am sure you can count the things your children have spoiled and they could get punished but you decided to forgive them
Forgiveness also puts your empathy to a test as you will end up forgiving your children because for once you are in their shoes and you are sure no one would want to be punished in that instance
Well the lesson is learning forgiveness
11. Parenthood makes you confident
Has your child asked ever asked you for help and you are not sure but you don’t want to look incompetent or has there come when a time when you are your child’s rock
Well you cannot be your kid’s rock or a person they look up to when you are unsure of yourself
Besides there are lots of things you will have to do for your child and they will need you to be sure of yourself and what you are doing
You will need your child to believe in you and you have to be sure of yourself that you are capable of delivering accordingly
The lesson is confidence is needed in life
Conclusion
There are millions of lessons every parent lessons from their learning adventure since there are different parents with different children hence different experiences for every parent
And have you realized the lessons you learn from parenting are the same life lessons you can teach your child as a parent
In the same way, the same life lessons you are learning from parenthood are actually the lessons you are teaching your children. So these will also be the lessons children will learn from their parents
This implies well as you are teaching your child a couple of things you are also learning something new every day
What life lessons have you learned from parenting or what lessons has parenting taught you that you would love to share with others?
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